Tips For A First Time Subway Rider
by Heater Case
a) Learn how to swipe the subway Metrocard at the turnstyle. It’s an acquired skill. Try to learn this BEFORE rush hour and there are 806,442 people standing behind you.b) Hand sanitizer. You need to hold on to something while the train is moving. There is a small number of people who think they can ‘ride’ the waves of the train with their impeccable sense of balance. These people are usually also holding their phone in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. These are some of the most hated people on the train. No chief, you are not Paul Muad'Dib riding a giant worm. You’re Joe Pretentious.
Therefore, keep the hand sanitizer in your pocket or, as you see some doing, clipped to your shoulder bag.
Winter is awesome because you can wear your gloves while you ride without looking like Hercule Poirot, but there have been times when I opted to wear a lightweight work glove and that was just fine.
Hey, if you feel the need to protect yourself from gloop, glop, and more DNA slime than an X-Files episode, wear whatever you want. You will never see the people standing around you again and, hey, they’d be the last ones to visit you when you’re dying from Super Mutant Ebola Leprosy Face Melt.
Don’t touch your face, stick your finger in your ear, pick your nose, rub your eye and (yikes) touch your mouth until you’ve cleaned your hands. If that means waiting until you’re off the train and able to use soap and water, do it, ’cause I ain’t visiting you when your face melts off. Sorry. It’s how I roll.
